becoming young, renew

I don’t want to cling to my own unrighteousness. I want to go deeper having Jesus revealed in me. I want to not be stubborn and say, no I am old, I will be come calcitrate and callo. I want to remain soft, gentle, able to adapt, change, grow and not be defined by the things of the past. To be defined by God. To allow him to shape the things in me and not to allow the damages incurred cause me to become dark and have thick walls of protection.

This has to be a daily scrub. A way of not taking up offense. A way of smoothly loving. Keeping back from unrepentant clear abusers.

But to become more lovely, more in the revelation of Christ, to become more soft, to become less hiding behind the lies. To be unique in the display of God's glory and beautiful in spirit. To not have gunk clogging up others view of the reflection of Jesus that I am.

the answer to everything

today again doom. domestic violence. homeless. illness. broken relationship. pain. misery. grief. mental illness. wild bush fires. 
politicians with their proposed solutions. beggars asking for money in the street. students studying. houses remodeled. disagreements within marriage. 

Each one lifts up some solution. the magic bullet. the thing to cure what is broken. or simply gives up hope. falls into the sea of despair. the earth can only last 12 more years. 

digging deep. looking for solutions beside ignoring, or burying the head in the sand, looking to make sure ones own things are taken care of while the world perishes, what can we do?

we want each to come up with their own ideal life. gender. idea of how to satisfy the longing heart. insatiable and ever increasing depravity. where does it stop?

                              JESUS

no, we don't want this colonialism, religion, standards shoved down our throat. we aren't looking for someone who never existed.

                               JESUS

him? this is outdated thinking. what hope can he bring us? we need real solutions to real problems. the catholic church and pedophilia and abuse, no thanks!

                                JESUS

ok, tell us? if you keep saying it, tell us!

YOU WILL KNOW MY FOLLOWERS BY THEIR LOVE

these people who call themselves followers, they are no different. they blend into society.

TRUE FOLLOWERS ARE SONS AND DAUGHTERS REFLECTING LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE TO A LOST AND DYING WORLD

i see them judging. marginalizing. pushing the weak, their own weak aside. I see them trying to dictate behavior above love! 

FEED MY SHEEP. RESCUE THE LOST. LOVE ALL. JUDGMENT IS NOT NEEDED. DRAW THEM OUT OF ETERNAL THIRSTY.

what does this mean? thirst?

THE LOST SEARCH INSIDE THEMSELVES, IN EVERY POSSIBLE LOCATION FOR A WAY TO FEEL OK. ONLY LOVE CAN SALVAGE THEM.

how does this look in a practical way?

EACH ONE LIVES IN JOY AND FULFILLMENT IN RELATIONSHIP TO FATHER GOD. EACH ONE IS A UNIQUE EXPRESSION OF LOVE TO THE ONES AROUND THEM.

so each one is light in a dark place? each a lighthouse that only God is the safe place? and no judgment? just come to Jesus and He will sort you?

AS THEY WALK IN COMMUNITY GROUPS, THE OLD WAYS TO BE QUENCHED WILL FALL OFF THEM AND THEY WILL BE A GREAT RESCUING ARMY.

where is this group? when do they start?

COMPLACENT. HIDING IN FEAR THAT THEIR OWN THIRST WILL BE EXPOSED. NOT FULLY TRUSTING. 

how can they cross over to belief?

DO WHAT PETER DID. GET OUT OF THE BOAT.

the real story of healing touch

Nothing cures pain and abuse and suffering like Jesus. Many natural remedies from other humans, the environment and nature can all assist us to gain relief and limited healing. The real touch that can heal is Jesus.

The real thing that heals lack of touch is Jesus. How does that play through? There are believers here on earth who are his hands and feet. 

They can come and walk over to your location on earth, they can put their arms around you and place their hands on your heart. They can hear your stories and pray for you broken heart to be healed. They can pray for the pain you have experienced to be moved out of the memory of your mind, belly and soul and heart. They can pray for you to have a new heart. They can walk alongside you as you rebuild to have good touch again.

The promise is real and clear. This is not your granddaddy’s healing. This is the real thing. This is someone who has been neglected, abused and rejected to be so healed that they know they are nurtured, loved and accepted, to the point, they administer the same freedom that they have found to others.  The broken-hearted ones become the healers. The ones who have fallen along the way and become the ones who pick others up. The ones who have gotten lost become the ones who find others who are lost and point the way. The ones who were deceived are the ones who humbly know the one who knows all things.

This kind of healing from the pain of the past is accessible to everyone. This removal of bitter memories, of unspeakable crimes to unbelievable joy and solid future. This is the real thing. This is the one we serve. The good God. The one above all. The eternal one. The one who was before time and is not changing. He is the one who holds us in his hands and the future. He is the King of tomorrows and Today. He is not afraid. We can be confident that He wants to set the world straight. That he wants us to partner with him to set bent things straight again. To set imperfect to perfect. To set brokenness to beautiful wholeness.

This is the God. The Holy one. The righteous one. The one we know. The one who knows us. Hallelujah! He has set us free for freedom. He has not set us free from the past so we can be weighed down with his chains. He did not escape us out of our prison to lock us in a different cage.

Such good news!

Equality vs. Freedom

Rage about equality

Feminism has been touted as being able to upgrade women’s status to be the same as men. To have control over women’s own thoughts, bodies, occupations, pay structures and to be the god in selecting what they will or will not believe about things and make their own truth. To have the power over their own destinies and to decide how and when to share their time, sex, money and position with.

Equality underpinnings caused the great angel of heaven to see to be equal with God. He wanted to ascend and to rule and be equal. He was cast out of the presence of God and was defeated. His name is the Devil and Satan and he comes to deceive the whole world. Revelation 12:7-9. To make each person think that they can be gods over their own lives and worlds.

In high contrast, God, who came in the form of a little baby Jesus, did not consider equality with God something to rely on, he emptied himself and became a man. He relied on deep relationship with his father God to walk and live sinless on earth. He relied on this father-son relationship to get through the time on the cross. Philippians 2:5-8.  He was willing to submit to being a man and suffering as he died to save us.

The Devil is here on earth working hard to convince all of us that we must find the power within ourselves and rise up to be god of our own life. To make the rules we want for ourselves and to push away anyone who says we cannot. Anyone who seeks to limit our reckless idea of “freedom” over our own life. He encourages us to get rid of inconvenient people in our life, from an unborn baby, to a spouse, to a friend, to a boss, to parents, to government, to God.  Anyone who tries to prevent pleasure-seeking to cover the pain we feel of life. Anything that slows us down on our quest to have fun and enjoy life.

Jesus came to free us from our prison. To give us joy and peace. He came that we can have a friend to walk with on the path of life, who gives us peace and love and continues to guide us. A friend who picks us up when we fall down. A guide who is there to clean us up when we roll in the mud. Jesus gives us himself as the ultimate goal to go for and puts it in our hearts to want it and gives us the ability to attain it. He calls us up to be sons and daughters. He calls us up to do greater works than he himself did.

Instead of struggling with pushing away people who don’t agree, we can love them, we can kindly disagree, we can be an example of living free.

One final thought, Jesus said that all will be treated equally. There is no longer divisions between male and female, Jew and Greek, slave and master. He put all on equal footing. He offers himself as a bridge to peace and relationship with God.

hope, grief, faith in light of much time passing

In 1987, I was an unmarried pregnant teen. My parents were just getting divorced and in the chaos, I escaped unnoticed to California to hide out.
I had been warned not to come home if I was pregnant.

In the worst circumstances, I did not see how I could manage. I asked for counsel and people said, If I really loved God, my son then I would give him a decent start and give him to an adoptive couple. I tried to find another way. In the end there were too many forces driving me to this and not enough influence to help me keep him.

In the end, a couple said they loved God, were Christian and would let my son know me and raise him in the Christian godly way. Sadly this was not true. I told my family who supported my decision to get my son, who was 5 months old. Initially the potential adoptive couple said they would return my son but their family intervened and it became a battle in court.

I lost in the first court battle because they were friends with the judge. I had gotten married and had another child and was getting very weary of being in court, missing out on my sons life and being a new mom to my daughter and wife.

I decided that I could not go on anymore and I prayed like Gideon. God, if I see my son then I should keep fighting in court and know that you will bring him back. If I don't see him, then I should just forget about him for now and be at peace and know you will take care of him. I knew that I would not see my son because I hadn't seen him since he was 8 months old when the court ordered the potential adoptive family to let me visit.

He was now 18 months old.

Two days later, I walked into a bank and saw my son running around. I held my infant daughter in my arms. When the potential adoptive mother saw me, she ran and grabbed my son and ran out of the bank.

This was a sign to me that God would return my son.
when I lost at the appeal, I did not understand the word. It had seemed so clear. The 3 panel judges told me, we would give you your son back, there is no reason he should be adopted but because he is now 2 1/2 years old, it is too late. this is what the potential adopters wanted, to drag things on until there could be no other decision.

But God's decision is above all of this.
My son turn 30 years old on November 26 this year. It is a matter of grieving that he and i have missed out on a loving relationship all these years, and having faith in God that he is working things together for good in my life because I love him. It has not been easy. Many times I thought grief would swallow up my life.

I have seen how Father God feels when people misrepresent him to the world. How we say, don't have a relationship with God because He is not good and wants to be mean. But in reality he is a good God. I am no where as holy as God. But I am trying to keep my heart open to my son.I am trying to walk everyday with forgiveness to the adopters. towards the judge who is now deceased. towards all the people involved who pushed these rank concepts at God at me in order that their agenda happened and certainly not God's.

If you think I am strong for walking through this, then you don't know. You don't know the hidden grief and the non-stop faith and hope I have.  If I never get to enjoy a relationship with my son in this life, I know that in heaven there will be time to joyfully celebrate.

In the mean time, the waiting time for God to move, the time where the word of the Lord tests me like it tested Joseph, Psalms 105:19 Until the time that his word [of prophecy regarding his brothers] came true, The word of the Lord tested and refined him. in the wait time, there is much to do. There is much for Father God to do in me and through me. So that is the task before me. To not lose hope, not grow weary of doing good, of walking in forgiveness and love and to know that I cannot do it on my own strength and power.  

Hide in righteousness of Christ

Part V
Hiding myself in the righteousness of Christ and not in my own self-righteousness

Of late, I have had some interesting interactions with people. I have been accussed of various things and have not always responded appropriately. I have been shocked at how I was spoken to or treated. At first, in my own thoughts, I examined my behavior and rewarded myself for how well I had done. This was all true but it got me no where. I was still left with seeing how I am not perfect yet and how far I have to go. I would end up in some self-condemnation believing that even if I was ok in this situation, I still deserve mistreatment for some other failing.

What I was missing was that I needed to hide myself in the righteousness of Christ. That I was being persecuted and spoken badly about becuase of jealousy, or misconceptions or because what Jesus has done in me and becuae of my cooperation with Him, I am different and this becomes grounds to attack instead of admire. I have now tried to see what is happening and although I value good input and positive critisicms so that I can grow, I see this as an attack.
There was no value in it. the words and actions were meant to destroy and harm me in some way. this was painful to realize as sometimes it is people you feel are on the same team.
We are all learning and growing and probably need to extend far more grace to each other than we have. We need to trust the process of what God is doing in someone else. To realize what we think is the most glaring problem, is most likely a symptom. God always go after the root. When the root is addressed, the symptoms disappear. We try to chop off the sympotoms and then another one pops up somewhere else.
I don't need to take personally when someone attacks me. I am open to being corrected in love and to growing. I see that by not defending myself, but by coming to Jesus with it all and asking, What do you think, Papa? Are you speaking to me here? Then I find the answers and not just someone elses need to lash out.

I'm learning to let God more quickly come in and clean out the wound and remove any roots that the wound tried to attach itself to. To ask God to restore both me and the other party. I know it's a process and I'm glad to see some movement in myself. I feel the pleasure of God. I feel his smile. I hear him saying, well done, my good and faithful servant.

Religion not relationship

Part III
Religions not relationship

I am often struck by how the religions of the world, people are working so hard to appease their gods. Walking home one night, my friend and I came upon a procession. There was a lighted-gold alter, pulled by two oxen and followed by large generators to power the lights. The men carried a large extendable ladder to push up power lines so that the large alter could safely pass underneath.The people were walking for maybe more than one hour along the route to take the new statue to her resting place. This was the first time in 50 years, she will be replaced. One man said, This is the most powerful time because it is a new statue. The people would come out of their houses with fruit baskets and coconut. The coconuts would be smashed on the ground and then lit on fire. The basket was lifted up toward the idol. The oxen were given brightly colored scarves and flowers along the route.
As the ox got tired, two fresh ones came in to give them respite. The team had to move the alter up a small hill. The ox became quite tired and men were called in to help get their god up the hill. The men had to assist the ox going down the small incline also. The god had to be assisted to be moved off the carrying alter and into the temple. Then sacrifices were offered with food and incense. There were dancers and musicians and food celebreating outside. The celebration will take place for the next 7 days. The faithful were rewarded and the toursits alike with food and milk tea.

What struck me in all this was that my God is my defender. When I can not overcome, my God helps me to overcome. My God needs no assistance to his house, he needs no help to go up or down small hills. He does not need ox to help him. We don't need to be afraid of his anger and appease him. He realized that we could do nothing to compensate, so He did everything.
He speaks to me and my life is the sacrifice. My time, my money, my attitudes are the offering to him. When I fall down, when I mess up, He simply picks me back up, and He restores me and we keep going. I am greatful for his great love and faithfulness. I feel too close to failing and have to keep my eyes firmly focused on him.
He is the one working all things out in me.

Part IV
Non-Religion lifestyle
- [ ] Non-religious people are so thirsty for what is true, they literally throw themselves whole-heartidly into anything, any relationship, and event in hopes it cures the thirst, even for some minutes.
- [ ] Their pleasure dictates their tastes. There is no regard for other people, only what will assuage their current owwies. They want to be treated with respect and hope for lasting relationships and goodness from others.
- [ ] When it feels like they are drinking with a straw and trying to make themselves feel better but taking off others, then you know-ahh Thirsty.
- [ ] We are all thirsty, but what do I use to wrap myself in when I feel sad, happy, frustrated? Do I cling to the fact that Father God has wrapped me in his love and bury my head there? Do I try to get my owwies met through relationships, through judging people on fb, through trying to connect to lost love? Where is my source?
- [ ] Do I know how to drink to feel my soul restored and refreshed? Am I moving the direction of that? Making it more of a go-to position than before?