In 1987, I was an unmarried pregnant teen. My parents were just getting divorced and in the chaos, I escaped unnoticed to California to hide out.
I had been warned not to come home if I was pregnant.
In the worst circumstances, I did not see how I could manage. I asked for counsel and people said, If I really loved God, my son then I would give him a decent start and give him to an adoptive couple. I tried to find another way. In the end there were too many forces driving me to this and not enough influence to help me keep him.
In the end, a couple said they loved God, were Christian and would let my son know me and raise him in the Christian godly way. Sadly this was not true. I told my family who supported my decision to get my son, who was 5 months old. Initially the potential adoptive couple said they would return my son but their family intervened and it became a battle in court.
I lost in the first court battle because they were friends with the judge. I had gotten married and had another child and was getting very weary of being in court, missing out on my sons life and being a new mom to my daughter and wife.
I decided that I could not go on anymore and I prayed like Gideon. God, if I see my son then I should keep fighting in court and know that you will bring him back. If I don't see him, then I should just forget about him for now and be at peace and know you will take care of him. I knew that I would not see my son because I hadn't seen him since he was 8 months old when the court ordered the potential adoptive family to let me visit.
He was now 18 months old.
Two days later, I walked into a bank and saw my son running around. I held my infant daughter in my arms. When the potential adoptive mother saw me, she ran and grabbed my son and ran out of the bank.
This was a sign to me that God would return my son.
when I lost at the appeal, I did not understand the word. It had seemed so clear. The 3 panel judges told me, we would give you your son back, there is no reason he should be adopted but because he is now 2 1/2 years old, it is too late. this is what the potential adopters wanted, to drag things on until there could be no other decision.
But God's decision is above all of this.
My son turn 30 years old on November 26 this year. It is a matter of grieving that he and i have missed out on a loving relationship all these years, and having faith in God that he is working things together for good in my life because I love him. It has not been easy. Many times I thought grief would swallow up my life.
I have seen how Father God feels when people misrepresent him to the world. How we say, don't have a relationship with God because He is not good and wants to be mean. But in reality he is a good God. I am no where as holy as God. But I am trying to keep my heart open to my son.I am trying to walk everyday with forgiveness to the adopters. towards the judge who is now deceased. towards all the people involved who pushed these rank concepts at God at me in order that their agenda happened and certainly not God's.
If you think I am strong for walking through this, then you don't know. You don't know the hidden grief and the non-stop faith and hope I have. If I never get to enjoy a relationship with my son in this life, I know that in heaven there will be time to joyfully celebrate.
In the mean time, the waiting time for God to move, the time where the word of the Lord tests me like it tested Joseph, Psalms 105:19 Until the time that his word [of prophecy regarding his brothers] came true, The word of the Lord tested and refined him. in the wait time, there is much to do. There is much for Father God to do in me and through me. So that is the task before me. To not lose hope, not grow weary of doing good, of walking in forgiveness and love and to know that I cannot do it on my own strength and power.
Saturday, November 11, 2017
Monday, August 28, 2017
Hide in righteousness of Christ
Part V
Hiding myself in the righteousness of Christ and not in my own self-righteousness
Of late, I have had some interesting interactions with people. I have been accussed of various things and have not always responded appropriately. I have been shocked at how I was spoken to or treated. At first, in my own thoughts, I examined my behavior and rewarded myself for how well I had done. This was all true but it got me no where. I was still left with seeing how I am not perfect yet and how far I have to go. I would end up in some self-condemnation believing that even if I was ok in this situation, I still deserve mistreatment for some other failing.
What I was missing was that I needed to hide myself in the righteousness of Christ. That I was being persecuted and spoken badly about becuase of jealousy, or misconceptions or because what Jesus has done in me and becuae of my cooperation with Him, I am different and this becomes grounds to attack instead of admire. I have now tried to see what is happening and although I value good input and positive critisicms so that I can grow, I see this as an attack.
There was no value in it. the words and actions were meant to destroy and harm me in some way. this was painful to realize as sometimes it is people you feel are on the same team.
We are all learning and growing and probably need to extend far more grace to each other than we have. We need to trust the process of what God is doing in someone else. To realize what we think is the most glaring problem, is most likely a symptom. God always go after the root. When the root is addressed, the symptoms disappear. We try to chop off the sympotoms and then another one pops up somewhere else.
I don't need to take personally when someone attacks me. I am open to being corrected in love and to growing. I see that by not defending myself, but by coming to Jesus with it all and asking, What do you think, Papa? Are you speaking to me here? Then I find the answers and not just someone elses need to lash out.
I'm learning to let God more quickly come in and clean out the wound and remove any roots that the wound tried to attach itself to. To ask God to restore both me and the other party. I know it's a process and I'm glad to see some movement in myself. I feel the pleasure of God. I feel his smile. I hear him saying, well done, my good and faithful servant.
Hiding myself in the righteousness of Christ and not in my own self-righteousness
Of late, I have had some interesting interactions with people. I have been accussed of various things and have not always responded appropriately. I have been shocked at how I was spoken to or treated. At first, in my own thoughts, I examined my behavior and rewarded myself for how well I had done. This was all true but it got me no where. I was still left with seeing how I am not perfect yet and how far I have to go. I would end up in some self-condemnation believing that even if I was ok in this situation, I still deserve mistreatment for some other failing.
What I was missing was that I needed to hide myself in the righteousness of Christ. That I was being persecuted and spoken badly about becuase of jealousy, or misconceptions or because what Jesus has done in me and becuae of my cooperation with Him, I am different and this becomes grounds to attack instead of admire. I have now tried to see what is happening and although I value good input and positive critisicms so that I can grow, I see this as an attack.
There was no value in it. the words and actions were meant to destroy and harm me in some way. this was painful to realize as sometimes it is people you feel are on the same team.
We are all learning and growing and probably need to extend far more grace to each other than we have. We need to trust the process of what God is doing in someone else. To realize what we think is the most glaring problem, is most likely a symptom. God always go after the root. When the root is addressed, the symptoms disappear. We try to chop off the sympotoms and then another one pops up somewhere else.
I don't need to take personally when someone attacks me. I am open to being corrected in love and to growing. I see that by not defending myself, but by coming to Jesus with it all and asking, What do you think, Papa? Are you speaking to me here? Then I find the answers and not just someone elses need to lash out.
I'm learning to let God more quickly come in and clean out the wound and remove any roots that the wound tried to attach itself to. To ask God to restore both me and the other party. I know it's a process and I'm glad to see some movement in myself. I feel the pleasure of God. I feel his smile. I hear him saying, well done, my good and faithful servant.
Religion not relationship
Part III
Religions not relationship
I am often struck by how the religions of the world, people are working so hard to appease their gods. Walking home one night, my friend and I came upon a procession. There was a lighted-gold alter, pulled by two oxen and followed by large generators to power the lights. The men carried a large extendable ladder to push up power lines so that the large alter could safely pass underneath.The people were walking for maybe more than one hour along the route to take the new statue to her resting place. This was the first time in 50 years, she will be replaced. One man said, This is the most powerful time because it is a new statue. The people would come out of their houses with fruit baskets and coconut. The coconuts would be smashed on the ground and then lit on fire. The basket was lifted up toward the idol. The oxen were given brightly colored scarves and flowers along the route.
As the ox got tired, two fresh ones came in to give them respite. The team had to move the alter up a small hill. The ox became quite tired and men were called in to help get their god up the hill. The men had to assist the ox going down the small incline also. The god had to be assisted to be moved off the carrying alter and into the temple. Then sacrifices were offered with food and incense. There were dancers and musicians and food celebreating outside. The celebration will take place for the next 7 days. The faithful were rewarded and the toursits alike with food and milk tea.
What struck me in all this was that my God is my defender. When I can not overcome, my God helps me to overcome. My God needs no assistance to his house, he needs no help to go up or down small hills. He does not need ox to help him. We don't need to be afraid of his anger and appease him. He realized that we could do nothing to compensate, so He did everything.
He speaks to me and my life is the sacrifice. My time, my money, my attitudes are the offering to him. When I fall down, when I mess up, He simply picks me back up, and He restores me and we keep going. I am greatful for his great love and faithfulness. I feel too close to failing and have to keep my eyes firmly focused on him.
He is the one working all things out in me.
Part IV
Non-Religion lifestyle
- [ ] Non-religious people are so thirsty for what is true, they literally throw themselves whole-heartidly into anything, any relationship, and event in hopes it cures the thirst, even for some minutes.
- [ ] Their pleasure dictates their tastes. There is no regard for other people, only what will assuage their current owwies. They want to be treated with respect and hope for lasting relationships and goodness from others.
- [ ] When it feels like they are drinking with a straw and trying to make themselves feel better but taking off others, then you know-ahh Thirsty.
- [ ] We are all thirsty, but what do I use to wrap myself in when I feel sad, happy, frustrated? Do I cling to the fact that Father God has wrapped me in his love and bury my head there? Do I try to get my owwies met through relationships, through judging people on fb, through trying to connect to lost love? Where is my source?
- [ ] Do I know how to drink to feel my soul restored and refreshed? Am I moving the direction of that? Making it more of a go-to position than before?
Religions not relationship
I am often struck by how the religions of the world, people are working so hard to appease their gods. Walking home one night, my friend and I came upon a procession. There was a lighted-gold alter, pulled by two oxen and followed by large generators to power the lights. The men carried a large extendable ladder to push up power lines so that the large alter could safely pass underneath.The people were walking for maybe more than one hour along the route to take the new statue to her resting place. This was the first time in 50 years, she will be replaced. One man said, This is the most powerful time because it is a new statue. The people would come out of their houses with fruit baskets and coconut. The coconuts would be smashed on the ground and then lit on fire. The basket was lifted up toward the idol. The oxen were given brightly colored scarves and flowers along the route.
As the ox got tired, two fresh ones came in to give them respite. The team had to move the alter up a small hill. The ox became quite tired and men were called in to help get their god up the hill. The men had to assist the ox going down the small incline also. The god had to be assisted to be moved off the carrying alter and into the temple. Then sacrifices were offered with food and incense. There were dancers and musicians and food celebreating outside. The celebration will take place for the next 7 days. The faithful were rewarded and the toursits alike with food and milk tea.
What struck me in all this was that my God is my defender. When I can not overcome, my God helps me to overcome. My God needs no assistance to his house, he needs no help to go up or down small hills. He does not need ox to help him. We don't need to be afraid of his anger and appease him. He realized that we could do nothing to compensate, so He did everything.
He speaks to me and my life is the sacrifice. My time, my money, my attitudes are the offering to him. When I fall down, when I mess up, He simply picks me back up, and He restores me and we keep going. I am greatful for his great love and faithfulness. I feel too close to failing and have to keep my eyes firmly focused on him.
He is the one working all things out in me.
Part IV
Non-Religion lifestyle
- [ ] Non-religious people are so thirsty for what is true, they literally throw themselves whole-heartidly into anything, any relationship, and event in hopes it cures the thirst, even for some minutes.
- [ ] Their pleasure dictates their tastes. There is no regard for other people, only what will assuage their current owwies. They want to be treated with respect and hope for lasting relationships and goodness from others.
- [ ] When it feels like they are drinking with a straw and trying to make themselves feel better but taking off others, then you know-ahh Thirsty.
- [ ] We are all thirsty, but what do I use to wrap myself in when I feel sad, happy, frustrated? Do I cling to the fact that Father God has wrapped me in his love and bury my head there? Do I try to get my owwies met through relationships, through judging people on fb, through trying to connect to lost love? Where is my source?
- [ ] Do I know how to drink to feel my soul restored and refreshed? Am I moving the direction of that? Making it more of a go-to position than before?
English summer camp Taiwan and Malaysia
Aug 26, 2017
on a bus Somewhere between Kuala Lumpur and Johur Bakur, Malaysia
Part I
Camp in Taipei, Taiwan
I got the privilege to work at an English summer camp in Taipei. It has been my desire to learn Chinese and to return to Taiwan. I think that I am being directed to learn Korean instead. I had a classroom of 22 brilliant kids age 11-12. They kept me on my toes and I learned a bit of Chinese too. In the 3 weeks, I had a roommate at my hotel. She was a woman who is mid 40's and extremely negative about everything in life. This proved to be challenging for me to stay close and lean into God.
I faced becoming negative and angry also. I had some pretty bad days where I acted quite poorly. In the middle of this, I was able to remember who I am in Jesus and to apologize and to set things right. I was able to talk to my roommate about how I had done poorly and why I could change course. Being human and unfinished is sometimes a frustration but by being open, this helped her have an upclose glance at how a person who calls themselves a follower of Jesus may act. She has had some disasterous experiences and this was an encounter for her.
I also was overjoyed to be asked to play worship music in the closing ceremony of the school. I was equally delighted to play at Aroma coffee shop, due to meeting up with the family of a dear friend from Vienna. I feel humbled and priveleged to be able to give my offering. Some of the collegues from camp, both local teachers and international came to listen to. It was very special for me.
Part II
Camp in Malaysia with Korean students
I next came to teach at a school and live on a golf resort. I was excited to have access to a swimming pool and made use of it by swimming one hour nearly every day. It was hot, muggy weather so it was refreshing to swim in the night air.
I was extremely pleased and blessed to find three other Christian teachers. The students found out we were Christian and were going to have a praise and worship time and wanted to come. We had a full house every time with students inviting their non-churched friends. We served food and sang songs in Korean and English. Megan spoke a bit of Korean and helped with worship and community. Cassie helped with food and media. I was super excited to be able to present a short teaching, through acting and having an interpreter, and to play my guitar for worship. One day, Megan and I got to pray for each student and give prophetic words over them. It was amazing as I got words for them, Megan confirmed the word as she personally knew the students. Yes, Jesus!!!!
We encouraged the students, range age 12-16, to be the body, to have encouraging words and scripture and to pray for each other. The structure they are in is heirarchicahal and they must wait until they are pastors to be able to serve. We spoke about how they each have Holy Spirit and are free to live and pray for each other. To hear from God and do his will. To enjoy his deep love and to love others. We were always so overwhelmed with the kids coming early and excited to help set up and often, what we thought was a quick 15-20 minute meeting turned into a 1-1 1/2 hour gathering. The kids would linger and just talk and it was so special. These kids are so in my heart. We are mainting connection on fb and will keep encouraging them to move forward with God.
on a bus Somewhere between Kuala Lumpur and Johur Bakur, Malaysia
Part I
Camp in Taipei, Taiwan
I got the privilege to work at an English summer camp in Taipei. It has been my desire to learn Chinese and to return to Taiwan. I think that I am being directed to learn Korean instead. I had a classroom of 22 brilliant kids age 11-12. They kept me on my toes and I learned a bit of Chinese too. In the 3 weeks, I had a roommate at my hotel. She was a woman who is mid 40's and extremely negative about everything in life. This proved to be challenging for me to stay close and lean into God.
I faced becoming negative and angry also. I had some pretty bad days where I acted quite poorly. In the middle of this, I was able to remember who I am in Jesus and to apologize and to set things right. I was able to talk to my roommate about how I had done poorly and why I could change course. Being human and unfinished is sometimes a frustration but by being open, this helped her have an upclose glance at how a person who calls themselves a follower of Jesus may act. She has had some disasterous experiences and this was an encounter for her.
I also was overjoyed to be asked to play worship music in the closing ceremony of the school. I was equally delighted to play at Aroma coffee shop, due to meeting up with the family of a dear friend from Vienna. I feel humbled and priveleged to be able to give my offering. Some of the collegues from camp, both local teachers and international came to listen to. It was very special for me.
Part II
Camp in Malaysia with Korean students
I next came to teach at a school and live on a golf resort. I was excited to have access to a swimming pool and made use of it by swimming one hour nearly every day. It was hot, muggy weather so it was refreshing to swim in the night air.
I was extremely pleased and blessed to find three other Christian teachers. The students found out we were Christian and were going to have a praise and worship time and wanted to come. We had a full house every time with students inviting their non-churched friends. We served food and sang songs in Korean and English. Megan spoke a bit of Korean and helped with worship and community. Cassie helped with food and media. I was super excited to be able to present a short teaching, through acting and having an interpreter, and to play my guitar for worship. One day, Megan and I got to pray for each student and give prophetic words over them. It was amazing as I got words for them, Megan confirmed the word as she personally knew the students. Yes, Jesus!!!!
We encouraged the students, range age 12-16, to be the body, to have encouraging words and scripture and to pray for each other. The structure they are in is heirarchicahal and they must wait until they are pastors to be able to serve. We spoke about how they each have Holy Spirit and are free to live and pray for each other. To hear from God and do his will. To enjoy his deep love and to love others. We were always so overwhelmed with the kids coming early and excited to help set up and often, what we thought was a quick 15-20 minute meeting turned into a 1-1 1/2 hour gathering. The kids would linger and just talk and it was so special. These kids are so in my heart. We are mainting connection on fb and will keep encouraging them to move forward with God.
Thursday, June 22, 2017
Love, Acceptance and Purpose
Loss or perceived loss of these three in a week can really put you into a deep black hole. This is where I have been since last Saturday, nearly a week now.
Love-was doing great with my relationship with Father God and watched a video on Father's heart. One quote seemed good on the surface.Become a little girl and him.become Big Father. This arrow shot into my heart and reminded me of too many times my cries as a child were unanswered. How I could not count on being seen individually for my own needs or preference. I felt abandoned, rejected and ignored and I'm supposed to apply this to Father God and find comfort in it. No, I feel devastated. I feel like all my petitions, some going back decades have been ignored. I feel I am on my own to survive.
Second, a friend, who admire all the things I like about myself, suddenly stopped talking to me. I had asked for them to be a little gentle because I couldn't have such intense debates, with me coming out as LOSER and ENEMY and I didn't like it.
Then a friend of mine commented that he pictures that the whole world waits breathless for when the 'Talent that is Me' will emerge, not as helping showcase someone elses talent. I have been working hard to make this happen but I feel I won't succeed. I will run out of time, money and life before it happens.
So the key areas I believe are essential to live were accosted. I just feel depressed. My face hurts from holding in grief. I'm not thinking because it doesn't help. I can't untangle how terrible I feel.
I have been quiet. Just waiting until I could start to think again. I felt to share this without any answers, without any solution because often life feels like this.
I have been waiting for so long for answers, poised to receive the blessings.
I have hoped but there has been no response.
I am starting to come out of this dark, black hopelessness. I am asking God what is happening. What is the deal?
All I have heard from God is what if none of the damaging things ever happened? What would your life look like?
And wisdom off a t-shirt I saw-Now is a good time for a new beginning.
Love-was doing great with my relationship with Father God and watched a video on Father's heart. One quote seemed good on the surface.Become a little girl and him.become Big Father. This arrow shot into my heart and reminded me of too many times my cries as a child were unanswered. How I could not count on being seen individually for my own needs or preference. I felt abandoned, rejected and ignored and I'm supposed to apply this to Father God and find comfort in it. No, I feel devastated. I feel like all my petitions, some going back decades have been ignored. I feel I am on my own to survive.
Second, a friend, who admire all the things I like about myself, suddenly stopped talking to me. I had asked for them to be a little gentle because I couldn't have such intense debates, with me coming out as LOSER and ENEMY and I didn't like it.
Then a friend of mine commented that he pictures that the whole world waits breathless for when the 'Talent that is Me' will emerge, not as helping showcase someone elses talent. I have been working hard to make this happen but I feel I won't succeed. I will run out of time, money and life before it happens.
So the key areas I believe are essential to live were accosted. I just feel depressed. My face hurts from holding in grief. I'm not thinking because it doesn't help. I can't untangle how terrible I feel.
I have been quiet. Just waiting until I could start to think again. I felt to share this without any answers, without any solution because often life feels like this.
I have been waiting for so long for answers, poised to receive the blessings.
I have hoped but there has been no response.
I am starting to come out of this dark, black hopelessness. I am asking God what is happening. What is the deal?
All I have heard from God is what if none of the damaging things ever happened? What would your life look like?
And wisdom off a t-shirt I saw-Now is a good time for a new beginning.
Friday, February 17, 2017
You are loved!!!
Feb 18, 2017
What I heard God speak to me today. I hope this encourages you because it's for all of us.
I love you. I have loved you with an everlasting love and I've drawn you with my loving kindness. I don't want to you be ashamed or have regret. To have to look back sad. I am remaking you. Retooling you for a greater purpose. For a greater capacity to love. I'm transforming you from your present state of glory to the next. From glory to glory.
I go before you and behind you, straightening paths and with you as you walk them. I leave people with a good taste of me in their mouths. I will provide for you. I will teach you. Rely on me more. Rely on my ever present Presence. Rely on my love, my faithfulness, my trustworthiness as you behold me, you will be like me. As you focus and concentrate on me, then I will be discovered and your ability to be like me enhanced.
Be strong and of good courage, I am with you. I am leading you in your way. I have chosen this time-you in this moment as something to behold. As people say-you are lovely-I want to be like you-then you only know it is because of Jesus. No scars from the past tragedies, only what the enemy caused for evil, you've allowed me to shape for good. Diamonds are created from coal under pressure.
I have chosen the weak things, the dumb things, that are not the craftiest to exhibit my powers. This light you are carrying and shining is a demonstration to the powers and to earth-a display of my majesty. When you are worried that your weaknesses are being displayed instead, know that Love covers you.
Every Time you hear-You are beautiful, it is because you traded your personal ashes for beauty, you gave your sorrow to have my joy. Today drink deeply of me all day and healthily filled, so that you naturally splash over with joy.
The fragrance of me-my death AND resurrection-naturally flows before you arrive, permeating as you are there and lingers when you go.
The literal presence of God is with you. Know even when you have not said my name, the Kingdom of God has come near and visited.
Be bold. The fruit is plentiful.
Look not at your own failings, my death AND resurrection are enough. You are to focus on me and behold me and be transformed. As you do this, you become like me. You point to me. Not to yourself.
If you draw from your reserves, your previous filings of me, you will grow tired and stale. Drink fresh from me and exhale me as you go.
Be blessed Oh daughter (and son) of the King.
Be blessed in the unity of the body.
Receive life and love and joy, long-suffering and peace and rest from me today.
YOU ARE LOVED!!!
Let this be stamped across all you are and do.
Peace out. : )
I'm good. All the time. And all my people said Amen.
What I heard God speak to me today. I hope this encourages you because it's for all of us.
I love you. I have loved you with an everlasting love and I've drawn you with my loving kindness. I don't want to you be ashamed or have regret. To have to look back sad. I am remaking you. Retooling you for a greater purpose. For a greater capacity to love. I'm transforming you from your present state of glory to the next. From glory to glory.
I go before you and behind you, straightening paths and with you as you walk them. I leave people with a good taste of me in their mouths. I will provide for you. I will teach you. Rely on me more. Rely on my ever present Presence. Rely on my love, my faithfulness, my trustworthiness as you behold me, you will be like me. As you focus and concentrate on me, then I will be discovered and your ability to be like me enhanced.
Be strong and of good courage, I am with you. I am leading you in your way. I have chosen this time-you in this moment as something to behold. As people say-you are lovely-I want to be like you-then you only know it is because of Jesus. No scars from the past tragedies, only what the enemy caused for evil, you've allowed me to shape for good. Diamonds are created from coal under pressure.
I have chosen the weak things, the dumb things, that are not the craftiest to exhibit my powers. This light you are carrying and shining is a demonstration to the powers and to earth-a display of my majesty. When you are worried that your weaknesses are being displayed instead, know that Love covers you.
Every Time you hear-You are beautiful, it is because you traded your personal ashes for beauty, you gave your sorrow to have my joy. Today drink deeply of me all day and healthily filled, so that you naturally splash over with joy.
The fragrance of me-my death AND resurrection-naturally flows before you arrive, permeating as you are there and lingers when you go.
The literal presence of God is with you. Know even when you have not said my name, the Kingdom of God has come near and visited.
Be bold. The fruit is plentiful.
Look not at your own failings, my death AND resurrection are enough. You are to focus on me and behold me and be transformed. As you do this, you become like me. You point to me. Not to yourself.
If you draw from your reserves, your previous filings of me, you will grow tired and stale. Drink fresh from me and exhale me as you go.
Be blessed Oh daughter (and son) of the King.
Be blessed in the unity of the body.
Receive life and love and joy, long-suffering and peace and rest from me today.
YOU ARE LOVED!!!
Let this be stamped across all you are and do.
Peace out. : )
I'm good. All the time. And all my people said Amen.
Wednesday, February 15, 2017
Life and blessings
Originally posted Dec 28, 2016
What has God done for me? So great a love He has for me, that he made a way for me to have relationship.
I have been trying to avert my eyes from the past, from the ways I've failed, felt embarrassed and foolish and how I still feel drawn towards sin. But my heart chooses not to sin, to seek forward to know God more and the power of his death and resurrection. How does this play out in my life?
I can ask for forgiveness or give forgiveness as the blood has covered the wrong. I can then receive the complete healing and excellence of soul because of the resurrection. The body of Christ bore all our sin and died. But He rose again completely restored, renewed and better, I mean he could just appear and walk through walls and time. That seems like a big improvement. So the nagging feeling of something feeling undone even though it's forgiven, the power of resurrection wants to come in and make it so clean and healed as if it never happened.
I have gotten to travel through Laos and now am in Cua Lo, Vietnam. I have been love to people in their best and worst moments. One friend who was traveling with us, got upset and left the group. I reached out to him to tell him, in Jesus name, how I saw him and how much he is loved and that it is time to let go of anger and to live peaceful and free.
I had a cool God & google translate encounter in a restaurant near here. This girl of 10 wanted to talk to me so we pulled out our phones and started talking through google translate. She told me she wore an amulet on her neck to protect her from harm and that she believed in Buddha. I told her about Jesus and prayed for God to let her feel God's presence.
I stopped near Plain of Jars site in Laos. I met a man with Cerebral Palsy. He was 35 and married with 2 daughters. He spoke some English. I asked him if I could pray for him to feel the love of Jesus and for healing. He agreed. I prayed and Jesus has more space to move now with permission.
I was leaving from the city of Lamprabang, Laos. I ran across 3 accidents. One a semi- truck was laying on his side, my urge was to pray for healing but he was apparently unharmed. The next was another semi-truck in the ditch, very stuck. The next was where 2 guys had driven off the side of a huge cliff. The road winds around and small villages perch on the roads. I arrived after the townspeople had gotten the two men and brought them back up and built quick shade for them. One man was unconscious and being stitched up. The other was being prepared for burial. I motioned and asked the lady if I could pray. She let me touch his hand and it was cold but still moveable. I prayed for 30 minutes and was there with the people. I felt like God wanted me to pray and to be there with them. I want to see people being raised from the dead. For whole villages and regions to be saved. In Laos the Christian church is severely persecuted. I want more Jesus. I want more love to give out.
In my life and what I do, I strive to remain in my identity a daughter of the most high, creator of the universe. Many days I have read scripture before heading out for the day that The earth is the Lord's and everything in it. This encourages me to just be love and think of people even when communication is limited.
In the guesthouse in Lamprabang, I had many simple opportunities to simply share my faith with the Chinese, Laotian, French, French Polynesian, Spanish and Polish who were there. By singing Christian worship songs and melody's to the Lord and by speaking as it comes up about Christmas, and relationship with Jesus. But I want more. I want to be closer to Jesus. That it so permeates me that I simply give off the aroma of him. I don't want to dream of this. I want this to be a permanent state.
I see many different examples, expressions of Jesus in people I've met. I want it to be obvious there is something different about me. I want to point people to Christ. I want to be the expression of Christ that is unique as me but to reflect Him.
I hope you've had a good Christmas season and have a blessed Happy New Year.
Some of the amazing sites I have gotten to see are amazing waterfalls, a 1/3 size Eiffel tower made of bamboo lite up for Christmas, beautiful mountains and rocks jutting up out of the ground, poinsettas, butterflys, gorges, lakes and shy Laotian people but kind and super friendly Vietnamese people.
Three villages tried to adopt me when I stopped for water or coffee. Even though we didn't have language in common, I showed them pictures on my phone of Alaska and smiled and we all tried to talk. The one little boy gave me some of his sugar cane.
The Vietnamese family at this hotel has taken me in for the Christmas season and we went to the Bamboo Eiffel tower, Midnight mass, Sunflower Festival and out to eat and play guitar at the beach and Karaoke. It has been good to not feel too lonely during this time of year.
I haven't seen another person who is not Laotian or Vietnamese for over a week. But wherever I go, people see I am different and yell out a friendly "hello." And then ask to take pictures with me. This is fun but also just trying to be kind and interact with people in a real way all the time too.
I am planning to travel further north in Vietnam, even though it is a bit cold and then to go south. I am pleased with how much meat they eat here. Have been sticking to beef and chicken.
If you wish to partner with me, you can pray for me to be saturated in Jesus and know my identity. Please donate at moebysrush@gmail.com through Paypal. I am trying to keep my expenses low but finding a place to sleep that is low cost has been a bit of a challenge. I am spending maybe 10-15$ a day for all costs.
I am thinking that I may go spend 90 days in South Korea to learn some Korean and to teach English and restock some money before moving forward. I want to be able to bless people, to have money to take people for a coffee and to be where I am to be.
Please pray for me to wisely spend my time and energy. I feel like more time with Jesus is always my desire and priority. I also am working on getting a life coaching business going and had to replace my camera external microphone as the other somehow fell out of my bag. I've only had two things get lost, the mic and a raincoat. So I have asked God to not let anything get lost.
I have asked for God to keep me hidden from the enemy and had one attack where I felt my life was being threatened but God preserved me. I felt even all the accidents on the road that day were the enemy targeting where he could all around me. My days are set by the Lord and I want everyone that He has destined for me to be fulfilled.
Psalms 91:7 Though a thousand fall at your side,
though ten thousand are dying around you,
these evils will not touch you.
What has God done for me? So great a love He has for me, that he made a way for me to have relationship.
I have been trying to avert my eyes from the past, from the ways I've failed, felt embarrassed and foolish and how I still feel drawn towards sin. But my heart chooses not to sin, to seek forward to know God more and the power of his death and resurrection. How does this play out in my life?
I can ask for forgiveness or give forgiveness as the blood has covered the wrong. I can then receive the complete healing and excellence of soul because of the resurrection. The body of Christ bore all our sin and died. But He rose again completely restored, renewed and better, I mean he could just appear and walk through walls and time. That seems like a big improvement. So the nagging feeling of something feeling undone even though it's forgiven, the power of resurrection wants to come in and make it so clean and healed as if it never happened.
I have gotten to travel through Laos and now am in Cua Lo, Vietnam. I have been love to people in their best and worst moments. One friend who was traveling with us, got upset and left the group. I reached out to him to tell him, in Jesus name, how I saw him and how much he is loved and that it is time to let go of anger and to live peaceful and free.
I had a cool God & google translate encounter in a restaurant near here. This girl of 10 wanted to talk to me so we pulled out our phones and started talking through google translate. She told me she wore an amulet on her neck to protect her from harm and that she believed in Buddha. I told her about Jesus and prayed for God to let her feel God's presence.
I stopped near Plain of Jars site in Laos. I met a man with Cerebral Palsy. He was 35 and married with 2 daughters. He spoke some English. I asked him if I could pray for him to feel the love of Jesus and for healing. He agreed. I prayed and Jesus has more space to move now with permission.
I was leaving from the city of Lamprabang, Laos. I ran across 3 accidents. One a semi- truck was laying on his side, my urge was to pray for healing but he was apparently unharmed. The next was another semi-truck in the ditch, very stuck. The next was where 2 guys had driven off the side of a huge cliff. The road winds around and small villages perch on the roads. I arrived after the townspeople had gotten the two men and brought them back up and built quick shade for them. One man was unconscious and being stitched up. The other was being prepared for burial. I motioned and asked the lady if I could pray. She let me touch his hand and it was cold but still moveable. I prayed for 30 minutes and was there with the people. I felt like God wanted me to pray and to be there with them. I want to see people being raised from the dead. For whole villages and regions to be saved. In Laos the Christian church is severely persecuted. I want more Jesus. I want more love to give out.
In my life and what I do, I strive to remain in my identity a daughter of the most high, creator of the universe. Many days I have read scripture before heading out for the day that The earth is the Lord's and everything in it. This encourages me to just be love and think of people even when communication is limited.
In the guesthouse in Lamprabang, I had many simple opportunities to simply share my faith with the Chinese, Laotian, French, French Polynesian, Spanish and Polish who were there. By singing Christian worship songs and melody's to the Lord and by speaking as it comes up about Christmas, and relationship with Jesus. But I want more. I want to be closer to Jesus. That it so permeates me that I simply give off the aroma of him. I don't want to dream of this. I want this to be a permanent state.
I see many different examples, expressions of Jesus in people I've met. I want it to be obvious there is something different about me. I want to point people to Christ. I want to be the expression of Christ that is unique as me but to reflect Him.
I hope you've had a good Christmas season and have a blessed Happy New Year.
Some of the amazing sites I have gotten to see are amazing waterfalls, a 1/3 size Eiffel tower made of bamboo lite up for Christmas, beautiful mountains and rocks jutting up out of the ground, poinsettas, butterflys, gorges, lakes and shy Laotian people but kind and super friendly Vietnamese people.
Three villages tried to adopt me when I stopped for water or coffee. Even though we didn't have language in common, I showed them pictures on my phone of Alaska and smiled and we all tried to talk. The one little boy gave me some of his sugar cane.
The Vietnamese family at this hotel has taken me in for the Christmas season and we went to the Bamboo Eiffel tower, Midnight mass, Sunflower Festival and out to eat and play guitar at the beach and Karaoke. It has been good to not feel too lonely during this time of year.
I haven't seen another person who is not Laotian or Vietnamese for over a week. But wherever I go, people see I am different and yell out a friendly "hello." And then ask to take pictures with me. This is fun but also just trying to be kind and interact with people in a real way all the time too.
I am planning to travel further north in Vietnam, even though it is a bit cold and then to go south. I am pleased with how much meat they eat here. Have been sticking to beef and chicken.
If you wish to partner with me, you can pray for me to be saturated in Jesus and know my identity. Please donate at moebysrush@gmail.com through Paypal. I am trying to keep my expenses low but finding a place to sleep that is low cost has been a bit of a challenge. I am spending maybe 10-15$ a day for all costs.
I am thinking that I may go spend 90 days in South Korea to learn some Korean and to teach English and restock some money before moving forward. I want to be able to bless people, to have money to take people for a coffee and to be where I am to be.
Please pray for me to wisely spend my time and energy. I feel like more time with Jesus is always my desire and priority. I also am working on getting a life coaching business going and had to replace my camera external microphone as the other somehow fell out of my bag. I've only had two things get lost, the mic and a raincoat. So I have asked God to not let anything get lost.
I have asked for God to keep me hidden from the enemy and had one attack where I felt my life was being threatened but God preserved me. I felt even all the accidents on the road that day were the enemy targeting where he could all around me. My days are set by the Lord and I want everyone that He has destined for me to be fulfilled.
Psalms 91:7 Though a thousand fall at your side,
though ten thousand are dying around you,
these evils will not touch you.
Thailand Cambodia
Originally posted oct 29
Bangkok, Thailand-Stopped by a Christian school grades K-12, They have all religions attend with 600 students. The religion class is taught by Christians. They ask for prayer that when the student accepts Jesus then they face religious persecussion in their own family and the school faces trouble. Pray for converts and for whole families to come to Jesus and for grace and protection for the staff.
In Thailand, I was told all young men must study as monks for 1-2 years. Then they are trained in the Buddist faith and continue the tradition as monks or when they marry.
--
Siem Reap, Cambodia-Arrived at Blue Lizard Hostel, where the owner, manager and staff are deaf + one hearing girl from Denmark. I saw healing on the manager as he checked me in. I got a chance to talk to him, and I felt God saying to spend time in adoration, praise, worship and intimacy with Jesus and that the right time would come to pray. I alerted the team of prayer warriors to pray for healing but to tell me who to pray for first. The guy's name is Adam. Thank you Jesus for clear signs. Start with him. : ),
I told Adam that I believe in Jesus and that I believed he'd be healed and asked if I could pray. He immediately said yes. We spoke through texting and also I know the American sign language alphabet. I explained how I would pray and that I would put my hand over his ears. So we prayed once. I asked do you hear anything. He said no change. The second time I prayed, I felt so strong God's presence and looked at Adam's face and saw it had changed too. Not a change we could see yet. Then again. Not a change we could measure yet. I told him I will pray the next 30 days for him. He was in the middle of this day, let go from the hostel and moved but we are in contact on fb. I later saw that there was no physical reason he could not be healed but that 1-2 demons had swallowed all the sounds that he was suppose to hear. I saw that his mom was talking to someone, maybe his dad and said-oh the baby shouldn't hear this. This was the entrance. This man was born deaf to bring glory to God as the man in the Bible was also. John 9:3 (this man from blindness) His mom did not sin in saying what she said. So pray for a manifestation of what God is doing in Adam. He is a man so gentle and kind and a person who will set others free.
I was able to speak to the Danish girl-Molly-about who she is. One of the most profound things I ever heard was from M.C. Hammer, rapper of the song, "Cant' touch this!" He is a Christian and said, some of you knew who I was before I did. I think sometimes reminding people of who they are, that they have value is so profound, even if we don't say, Jesus says. So I got to share with Molly, how God sees her. As a worthwhile person. Someone who respects others and needs to be treated with respect. That it is proper for her to decided that other people cannot make choices for her life, body, mind and thoughts. She was standing very stooped over when I started speaking and then left with her face radiating and standing up straight. Was pretty cool.
I visited a couple churches in Siem Reap. Bilingual -Freedom Church. The planting pastors are from Belgium and are training pastors and leaders in the Khmer (Cambodian) people. They have classes to teach people to be disciples and preach on praying and having intimacy with Jesus.
I was walking down the street and looked into a sidewalk cafe. This non-cambodian guy told me, It's a great place. We started talking and sat down to chat. He's Irish and in his 60's. He asked what I was doing and I said, I travel and tell people about Jesus. He stood up and said, "you're prostelytizing??!" Then I said, hey, you did it by telling me this was a great place. You did it by your motorbike, your watch, your t-shirt. He laughed. Then a few minutes later he told me he also was a Christian. It was a great conversation and I was able to encourage him to be more bold to pray for healings, in his faith to speak to people and just to be free to keep doing social change as God had called him to do. He attends CFSR where I planned to attend the following Sunday.
Christian Fellowship of Siem Reap. It was there 10 year anniversary celebration when I went. The pastors are Irish. I met an Australian lady who started a ministry to help women have decent jobs by making purses out of pop-tops, the lids on soda cans you pull off.
I met another lady who has a ministry to have women see all their roles that God has called them too. Daughter, mother, wife, and individual in Christ.
I attended the women's Bible study and they asked how to do the practical side of ministering. It was awesome to do a bit of training and answering questions. I was invited to come to 2 shops and pray for the Khmer workers. It was so great. I went and spent about 6 hours visiting, talking to the staff and owner Marie. It was great as she asked for prayers for deliverance from a past relationship and healing. Holy Spirit showed me spirit of depravity stealing money before it would get to her. She has been a missionary in Cambodia for 25 years and had a shop to help employee people. God wants to do more in and for and with this great lady.
One of her workers needs prayer to confront some past situations that Holy Spirit revealed. Another is a woman in her 60's who has no family left. She works polishing jewelery. The Lord spoke that He has placed her in this family of believers. That she is not alone and he will take care of her.
I headed to Battambang, 4 hours away. I got to visit the YWAM base here and meet people at the worship service last night. They have a cafe Eden. A school to teach English and guitar and DTS. There were about 100+ people at the service last night. There is a Cambodian pastor and English speaking pastor who co-lead. The worship leader is Cambodian and the songs are projected in English, Cambodian and phonetically in Cambodian. So time to learn a little Khmer-what the language, people and food are called.
I had some awesome times exploring temples-Hindu and Buddist and it's interesting to me that there is reclining Buddah. Our God never grows weary or sleeps. I feel so lucky that I don't put out offerings to my God day after day and he doesn't even eat them. I can offer my life and He is filling me and blessing me to feel great and to bless others. I know Father God is with me and loves me. I got to go to Kulan mountain and swim in an awesome waterfall. I did manage to burn my leg on an exhaust pipe on a motorcyle so have been applying colladial silver to keep it healing and wound free of bacteria. I have just been praying for healing and the pain to go. Occassionally not even 3 pills does anything. So I am resting my leg and not walking too much today on uneven streets in my hiking sandals to give myself a bit of rest.
I have been learning to lean more into Jesus. I have been learning that being tempted is not sin. Jesus says to come to him for grace and mercy when I am tempted. I am learning to accept I will be tempted and to run quick to ask for grace and mercy even when I'd rather just see how close I can get to temptation without giving in.
Bangkok, Thailand-Stopped by a Christian school grades K-12, They have all religions attend with 600 students. The religion class is taught by Christians. They ask for prayer that when the student accepts Jesus then they face religious persecussion in their own family and the school faces trouble. Pray for converts and for whole families to come to Jesus and for grace and protection for the staff.
In Thailand, I was told all young men must study as monks for 1-2 years. Then they are trained in the Buddist faith and continue the tradition as monks or when they marry.
--
Siem Reap, Cambodia-Arrived at Blue Lizard Hostel, where the owner, manager and staff are deaf + one hearing girl from Denmark. I saw healing on the manager as he checked me in. I got a chance to talk to him, and I felt God saying to spend time in adoration, praise, worship and intimacy with Jesus and that the right time would come to pray. I alerted the team of prayer warriors to pray for healing but to tell me who to pray for first. The guy's name is Adam. Thank you Jesus for clear signs. Start with him. : ),
I told Adam that I believe in Jesus and that I believed he'd be healed and asked if I could pray. He immediately said yes. We spoke through texting and also I know the American sign language alphabet. I explained how I would pray and that I would put my hand over his ears. So we prayed once. I asked do you hear anything. He said no change. The second time I prayed, I felt so strong God's presence and looked at Adam's face and saw it had changed too. Not a change we could see yet. Then again. Not a change we could measure yet. I told him I will pray the next 30 days for him. He was in the middle of this day, let go from the hostel and moved but we are in contact on fb. I later saw that there was no physical reason he could not be healed but that 1-2 demons had swallowed all the sounds that he was suppose to hear. I saw that his mom was talking to someone, maybe his dad and said-oh the baby shouldn't hear this. This was the entrance. This man was born deaf to bring glory to God as the man in the Bible was also. John 9:3 (this man from blindness) His mom did not sin in saying what she said. So pray for a manifestation of what God is doing in Adam. He is a man so gentle and kind and a person who will set others free.
I was able to speak to the Danish girl-Molly-about who she is. One of the most profound things I ever heard was from M.C. Hammer, rapper of the song, "Cant' touch this!" He is a Christian and said, some of you knew who I was before I did. I think sometimes reminding people of who they are, that they have value is so profound, even if we don't say, Jesus says. So I got to share with Molly, how God sees her. As a worthwhile person. Someone who respects others and needs to be treated with respect. That it is proper for her to decided that other people cannot make choices for her life, body, mind and thoughts. She was standing very stooped over when I started speaking and then left with her face radiating and standing up straight. Was pretty cool.
I visited a couple churches in Siem Reap. Bilingual -Freedom Church. The planting pastors are from Belgium and are training pastors and leaders in the Khmer (Cambodian) people. They have classes to teach people to be disciples and preach on praying and having intimacy with Jesus.
I was walking down the street and looked into a sidewalk cafe. This non-cambodian guy told me, It's a great place. We started talking and sat down to chat. He's Irish and in his 60's. He asked what I was doing and I said, I travel and tell people about Jesus. He stood up and said, "you're prostelytizing??!" Then I said, hey, you did it by telling me this was a great place. You did it by your motorbike, your watch, your t-shirt. He laughed. Then a few minutes later he told me he also was a Christian. It was a great conversation and I was able to encourage him to be more bold to pray for healings, in his faith to speak to people and just to be free to keep doing social change as God had called him to do. He attends CFSR where I planned to attend the following Sunday.
Christian Fellowship of Siem Reap. It was there 10 year anniversary celebration when I went. The pastors are Irish. I met an Australian lady who started a ministry to help women have decent jobs by making purses out of pop-tops, the lids on soda cans you pull off.
I met another lady who has a ministry to have women see all their roles that God has called them too. Daughter, mother, wife, and individual in Christ.
I attended the women's Bible study and they asked how to do the practical side of ministering. It was awesome to do a bit of training and answering questions. I was invited to come to 2 shops and pray for the Khmer workers. It was so great. I went and spent about 6 hours visiting, talking to the staff and owner Marie. It was great as she asked for prayers for deliverance from a past relationship and healing. Holy Spirit showed me spirit of depravity stealing money before it would get to her. She has been a missionary in Cambodia for 25 years and had a shop to help employee people. God wants to do more in and for and with this great lady.
One of her workers needs prayer to confront some past situations that Holy Spirit revealed. Another is a woman in her 60's who has no family left. She works polishing jewelery. The Lord spoke that He has placed her in this family of believers. That she is not alone and he will take care of her.
I headed to Battambang, 4 hours away. I got to visit the YWAM base here and meet people at the worship service last night. They have a cafe Eden. A school to teach English and guitar and DTS. There were about 100+ people at the service last night. There is a Cambodian pastor and English speaking pastor who co-lead. The worship leader is Cambodian and the songs are projected in English, Cambodian and phonetically in Cambodian. So time to learn a little Khmer-what the language, people and food are called.
I had some awesome times exploring temples-Hindu and Buddist and it's interesting to me that there is reclining Buddah. Our God never grows weary or sleeps. I feel so lucky that I don't put out offerings to my God day after day and he doesn't even eat them. I can offer my life and He is filling me and blessing me to feel great and to bless others. I know Father God is with me and loves me. I got to go to Kulan mountain and swim in an awesome waterfall. I did manage to burn my leg on an exhaust pipe on a motorcyle so have been applying colladial silver to keep it healing and wound free of bacteria. I have just been praying for healing and the pain to go. Occassionally not even 3 pills does anything. So I am resting my leg and not walking too much today on uneven streets in my hiking sandals to give myself a bit of rest.
I have been learning to lean more into Jesus. I have been learning that being tempted is not sin. Jesus says to come to him for grace and mercy when I am tempted. I am learning to accept I will be tempted and to run quick to ask for grace and mercy even when I'd rather just see how close I can get to temptation without giving in.
Finish well, go to the next
Originally posted October 22, 2016
Going next to Asia, Bangkok, Thailand then to Cambodia Oct 24.
Please pray: Good health with change of continents
My family at "home"
Finances- getting some things also organized at home
United States Presidential Elections
Work in Austria-to keep being a wildfire to break out
How can you be a part:
Pray for me to be at the right places and do what is for me to do
Give financially; via Paypal moebysrush@gmail.com
Come and join me for some time. We will go out and see what happens together.
Invite me to come: I can help activate you in prayers for healing, salvation, deliverance, prophetic and how to be diligent in acts of love
Love God, love yourself, love others.
Go evangelize, baptize, deliverance, healings, disciple
I got to spend some time visiting family this summer. I came to Vienna, and then went on an adventure with my nephew Tanner to Sarajevo, Bosnia and Herzagovian where Robert DeNiro was in town for the Film Festival. Someone gave us free tickets to see Meryl Streeps movie Florence Foster Jenkins. Then we went to Belgrade, Serbia. We hitchiked with Nemanja Cicovic, the 2007 Bosnian snowboard champ. Then a quick stop in Timisoura, Romania where we felt our latino roots kick in.
A group of us went to The Last Reformation training in Budapest, Hungary. It was pretty awesome with doing street ministry and 170 people getting baptized and many getting healed.
Going next to Asia, Bangkok, Thailand then to Cambodia Oct 24.
Please pray: Good health with change of continents
My family at "home"
Finances- getting some things also organized at home
United States Presidential Elections
Work in Austria-to keep being a wildfire to break out
How can you be a part:
Pray for me to be at the right places and do what is for me to do
Give financially; via Paypal moebysrush@gmail.com
Come and join me for some time. We will go out and see what happens together.
Invite me to come: I can help activate you in prayers for healing, salvation, deliverance, prophetic and how to be diligent in acts of love
Love God, love yourself, love others.
Go evangelize, baptize, deliverance, healings, disciple
I got to spend some time visiting family this summer. I came to Vienna, and then went on an adventure with my nephew Tanner to Sarajevo, Bosnia and Herzagovian where Robert DeNiro was in town for the Film Festival. Someone gave us free tickets to see Meryl Streeps movie Florence Foster Jenkins. Then we went to Belgrade, Serbia. We hitchiked with Nemanja Cicovic, the 2007 Bosnian snowboard champ. Then a quick stop in Timisoura, Romania where we felt our latino roots kick in.
A group of us went to The Last Reformation training in Budapest, Hungary. It was pretty awesome with doing street ministry and 170 people getting baptized and many getting healed.
I have been thrilled to be activating people in their gifts. Just like taking them out for a demo ride in their vehicle and showing them how to get things to preform the most from what God has given them.
Seriously so fun to see people grow in their giftings and go out and minister. Yippee!
I got to pray for a woman who for the last 50 years had fear and anxiety preventing her from having a normal life. She forgave and repented for things that happened a long time ago and started smiling and relaxing in a public setting. It was so great because it was also a training for people as we prayed together and people got pieces of the puzzle and all were using their gifts to bring freedom. Yes Jesus!!!!
We also got to join a friend in Graz and pray with her and also go pray with her friends from India who are not believers but she has been praying for 20 years and speaking to them.
So on to the next place. Blessings to all,
M
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